shaanspot

“engines grown from engine embryos”

“argument juice added from bits of the female brain to allow bike to change directions quickly”

Satan uses soul glow

Coincidentally, I’m listening to Journey right now, and I’m almost crying

…Erin

…midgets

Old Greg

“Holding Out For a Hero by Bonnie Tyler”

This song debuted in 1984 on the Footloose soundtrack, and called for a resurgence of heroic chivalry among men of the era. Bonnie Tyler cried out in futility and frustration, lamenting “Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods?” She begged for rescue, singing that she was “Holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night!”

In response to this heart-wrenching plea for masculinity, men of the ’80s commenced to wear white loafers without socks, purchased hair mousse in bulk and turned up their Wham! albums until Bonnie Tyler’s screams for help were drowned out.

The Only Way It Could Be Better:
It is all well and good to insist that your men stop leaving the cap off of your mascara. But in all fairness to the men of the ’80s, Bonnie went on to specify that the man she wanted was “a white knight on a fiery steed,” who was “racing with the thunder and rising with the heat,” from a place “up where the mountains meet the heavens above, out where the lightning splits the sea.” Going on these rough descriptions, the only men capable of banging Bonnie Tyler were the Justice League of America.